by Keith Hoffmanphoto 1-5

Some of you might have missed the news that I’m in a relationship.

If you did–do not fear. Facebook has assured me that it will hunt you down in that remote jungle, send a drone to find you on that deserted island or miraculously wake you from that deep coma to deliver the good news.

Little did I know when I pressed that button in the ABOUT section of my profile, the news (complete with a Facebook-created photo montage) would be blasted electronically and aggressively to anyone who has ever had a device that needed to be charged.

I first became curious by the sheer number of responses I got. Loved ones, old school chums, and those Facebook friends you don’t really know how you know wrote to congratulate me. Relatives texted to say they couldn’t believe I was able to find love. Exes sent emails wondering if my dark heart had finally been transplanted. Women wept and gnashed their teeth and tore at their clothing.   My dog confronted me at the door: “Dude… you’re gay?!”

When I got to the office the next day people related stories as if this was a major historical event they had witnessed in their lifetime like the start of a war or an assasination. “I’ll never forget where I was when I heard Keith was in a relationship.”

I was deep in slumber until my phone and computer alerted me awake.” (This one was related to me with a bit of hostility)

“I was telling my wife our marriage was over until we read about you on our phone and realized love can indeed conquer all!”

“I was washing my clothes thinking it was just another ordinary day when….”

Some people casually remarked that this is a new feature on Facebook.   Mind you there was no warning…no “by pressing this button you agree to feel vulnerable on a national scale”.  Nope,  I lightly touched my finger on my screen and BOOM.

Now please don’t in any way get me wrong.

I really like this guy a lot. This is the first guy in 17 years that I’ve liked like this. This guy is a good guy. Any man who can still be in a good humor when I  accidentally rent a romantic getaway for two that turns out to be a tiny room crammed with four bunk beds and a card table is a man that makes my heart skip a beat. This is a man worth taking some risks for.

And yes we mutually decided to change our statuses—kind of like the old days when the jock gave his sweetheart his varsity jacket—sweet and romantic and fun.

And maybe some friends would check our pages and smile and wish us well.

But such an aggressively public announcement?

I know. I know what you are all thinking. I have tirelessly blogged about my sad searches for love through matchmakers, online dating and rock climbing so why would this be an issue?

I guess it comes down to what it means to me…and I believe  to him….to be IN A RELATIONSHIP.

It means we are going to focus on creating a space…a sacred space….a private space that is our own.  A space that feels safe and kind—so that our beat-up and bruised but still sweet and hopeful hearts can find rest and healing and trust with each other.

I’m  guessing this is not what Facebook had in mind.

But that’s okay.

Although I am sorry I may have awoken you from your nap,  I have no regrets.

I’m committed to go down the rapids with its dangerous rocks and its enveloping beauty and relish every single minute of it.

And hopefully you won’t be getting a message that KEITH IS SINGLE along with a photo montage of me looking sad and weepy any time in the near or far future.


About the Author:

Keith Hoffman is in a relationship.

photo 2-3

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Keith Hoffman lives with his artist husband, dog and two cats in the small town Lambertville, New Jersey 72 miles outside of New York City. He has completed a memoir entitled The Summer My Sister Grew Sideburns.


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